She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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