Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
