I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
