This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize