so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
