I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
