what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
