I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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