Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize