I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
