I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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