Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
