i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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