remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Randomize
