there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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