bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
