found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
