he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize