you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize