my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
