I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
