i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
