You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
