Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
