If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
