I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
