I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
