we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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