That's intense
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
