Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
