Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
