i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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