How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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