I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
