finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
