u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
