so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize