Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
