Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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