so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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