i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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