ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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