yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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