Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
