her vagine was all disorganized.
Say something about gay babies.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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