the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
two words...techno handjob
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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