i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
