if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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