How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
