She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
