Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
