she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
