Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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