listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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