yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
