Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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