And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize