I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
