I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
