We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize