i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So many bounce houses so little time
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
