I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
