A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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