So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
